Nov

22

Why I don’t go to church every Sunday anymore…

Filed Under Family, Spiritual 

Because of questions that a number of people have asked me, I’ve decided to set the record strait as to why I now consider myself a non-believing Mormon. This is not going to be an easy read for my believing Mormon friends, but it will be worth while and thought provoking. Let me start by saying that most of what the LDS church does is wonderful. I especially love its emphasis on family and service. My local congregation is a group of wonderful, supportive, loving people. That said there are a few doctrines that the institutional church teaches that are discriminatory and hurtful. As well there are elements of the church’s history that are glossed over or misrepresented by the church.

That most in the church have never heard of Joseph Smith’s marriages to other men’s wives is scandalous. Polygamy makes members of the LDS church uncomfortable enough, but if they knew that he married 9 other men’s wives that would give them pause to think (some married with and some without the other husband’s consent). I can’t imagine what it must have been like for Zina and Henry Jacobs when Joseph Smith asked Zina to marry him.

Zina wrote that within months of her marriage to Henry, “[Joseph] sent word to me by my brother, saying ‘Tell Zina, I put it off and put it off till an angel with a drawn sword stood by me and told me if I did not establish that principle upon the earth I would lose my position and life‘”. Joseph further explained that, “the Lord had made it known to him she was to be his celestial wife.” Henry, was aware of this wedding and they continued to live in the same home. He believed that “whatever the Prophet did was right, without making the wisdom of God’s authorities bend to the reasoning of any man.” Shortly after Joseph Smith’s death in 1844, Zina married Brigham Young. In May of 1846, Henry was sent on a mission to England. In Henry’s absence, Zina began to live openly as Brigham’s wife and remained so throughout her life in Utah. Henry seemed to struggle with this arrangement and later wrote to Zina, “…the same affection is there…But I feel alone…I do not Blame Eny person…may the Lord our Father bless Brother Brigham…all is right according to the Law of the Celestial Kingdom of our God Joseph.” [reference]

I don’t know how church leaders and other members of the church who know about these marriages justify them in their minds. True, Joseph Smith did many good things during his life, but not all the fruits he produced were sweet. Most of the Book of Mormon is inspiring, but the doctrine and Joseph Smith’s practice of plural marriage was as abhorrent when he was practicing it as it is to us today. To get a feel for what it must have been like for people in his day we need look no further than Warren Jeffs the FLDS prophet (from the summer of 2007) and how he and his church currently practice polygamy. I’m sure we feel at least as uncomfortable at the accounts of him pressuring young girls to marry older men as people in Joseph Smith’s day did about his match making.

Here are the LDS doctrines and practices that I find most objectionable:

  • The church’s separate but equal policy with regards to woman and the priesthood. That women cannot hold leadership positions such as Bishop is patently unfair no matter what faithful LDS women say. Ask any 8 year old child, who is more important in the church, men or woman, and you’ll get a more objective and accurate answer. I put this doctrine in the same category as women’s suffrage and blacks and the priesthood. It will change, it is just a question of when.
  • The church’s discrimination against gay people and opposition to gay marriage. Most scientists today agree that gay people have not made a choice to be gay, but sexual orientation is most likely the result of a complex interaction of environmental, cognitive and biological factors. In other words this is the way god made them. Active members of the church who are gay are regularly exposed to a virtual hell on earth at church meetings when marriage and the law of chastity are discussed. Their god given sexual drive is described as evil, and they are told that to be exalted they must enter into a marriage with someone of the opposite sex. In many cases this leads to severe depression. In some cases substance abuse is turned to as a way to escape the depression and unfortunately others turn to suicide as a way out. Just think of what a gay person must think when their bishop tells them that it is better off to be dead than to commit sexual sin. For an insightful look at this topic see this Sunstone article.
  • The church’s longstanding discrimination against black men (that ended in 1978). Withholding the priesthood from black men was just wrong, and an excellent example of how the Old Testament can be used to support doctrines that make no sense in our modern world.
  • I don’t feel good about polygamy in general and particularly with Joseph Smith marrying nine other men’s wives (in addition to the twenty other single women he married). I am inclined to agree with William Law (editor of the Nauvoo Expositor), that if Joseph was a prophet, by the time he started practicing polygamy he was a fallen prophet. This is another example of how the Old Testament can be used to support doctrines that make no sense today.
  • The teaching that the prophet of the church can never lead us astray (see above for polygamy as one example of this). I suspect this is where the “cult” accusation against the church comes from. I’d like to think that the prophet would not lead anyone astray, but to say never is unwise given the history of the church. To have an organization tell you that they cannot lead you astray, yet not let you question its teachings is a bad sign. In the short run it does however make it easier to lead an organization when no one challenges or questions your decisions. I believe that the leaders of the church are for the most part well meaning men who act based on their consciences and the needs of the organization.
  • The church’s aggressive proselytizing and focus on baptismal goals. This practice antagonizes other churches and can lead to depression in missionaries, when mission goals are not met. I think I personally would have had a much more fulfilling mission, and done much more good if the focus of my mission had been on service to the needy. I will encourage all my kids to take time off school to go do meaningful service in other parts of the world, but will actively discourage them from LDS missions for the above reasons.
  • The general focus on the needs of the institutional church, rather than on local needs. What has happened over the past few years with scouting in Victoria, BC, Canada is a very small example of this. Some local church leaders felt that it was in the best interests of the local church not to continue with the Boy Scout program. Then a few years later a church leader from Salt Lake arrived and told them that scouting was not an optional program. It is also interesting the the primary benchmark to determine whether or not members in a region are ready for the building of a temple is tithing. This is clearly and example of the institution looking after it own material needs.
  • The church not being accountable to members for how tithing monies are spent. As a matter of principle, the church should report its receipts and expenditures to the tithe paying members of the church. It should also report all salaries and stipends given to general authorities of the church. I would be surprised if there was anything greatly amiss, but we currently have no way of knowing.
  • The teaching that one can know that the LDS church is Gods’ one true church by saying that it is true (the get a testimony by bearing it method). Studies show that the more often you say something you don’t believe, the more you begin to believe that thing. Not a good foundation for a spiritual practice as I’ve found out. Having a testimony of the institutional church or “the church” places faith in a man made institution rather than with god and in higher spiritual things. Whether this has been encouraged maliciously or unintentionally I do not now. I do know that it does not feel right.
  • The church’s only true church doctrine. I think it is more important to god that I be a good, charitable person rather than to simply be a person who has been baptised and participated in priesthood ordinances.

One LDS church leader quoted me the scripture “by their fruits shall ye know them” to me, hoping that I would think of all the good things the church does and want to come back into full fellowship. As I said there are a lot of good fruits produced by the church (service and its community for example), but there are also some rotten fruit on the vine, that no one in authority seems to doing anything about. If God is a just god and if He was truly leading the LDS church, then these things would not be. To me this is one of the strongest evidences that the LDS church is a man made organization that is led by well meaning, but not divinely led men. Most religions in the world teach many good things… That the LDS church teaches many good things is not remarkable in that context. Joseph Smith took a more enlightened position many of the things that were being debated by the Christian denominations of his day. For that we can be thankful.

I believe that if current members were more mindful of the effects of the church’s hurtful doctrines, and became fully aware of the history of the church that they have not been taught in Sunday School, that they would demand changes. They would also begin to call the current church leadership to account for the way they have handled their steward-ships. As Joesph Smith reformed the religion of his day, the same needs to be done today in the LDS church. The church as become rigid, hierarchical and bound to tradition, the very opposite of the radically inclusive, and open church that Joseph Smith founded.

I am at peace with the direction I am currently taking. I also have no regrets about the time and energy I’ve put into the church over the years. I still attend church meetings and activities periodically, and make sure that my children know where the pitfalls are in the church’s doctrine and practice for when they attend. To be honest to myself and to those closest to me, I feel I had no other choice. In my view the church is on the morally wrong side of a number of important issues, and to know that those things are wrong, and to be in a leadership position with that knowledge, was something I felt was hypocritical for me to do. If I felt that there was any chance to reform from within, that might have changed how I’ve acted, but the church’s organizational and disciplinary structure is such that unless you are at a very high level in the leadership of the church, the opportunities to influence church policy are almost nil.

There is much good in the LDS church. It is a loving service oriented organization. We need to build on the good and reject the discriminatory, hurtful and unjust doctrines that are rotting on the vine. Members of the church need to be vocal about what they believe in their hearts and not just object in silence when hurtful and uncharitable doctrines are taught. If there is a just God, then living a good, moral, service oriented life is all that is required of us. That is what I am trying to do, and it is what I will teach my children.

Comments

13 Responses to “Why I don’t go to church every Sunday anymore…”

  1. Suspicious Minds on November 22nd, 2007 7:30 pm

    I would like to read the feedback/comments to this.

  2. Holly Flower on November 25th, 2007 11:34 am

    Hi Rich,

    I imagine the spiritual journey you’ve been on has been a difficult but “enlightening” one. (It was for me). I hope you and your family are well! Take care, Holly

  3. rmccue on November 26th, 2007 10:43 pm

    Thanks Holly. You’re right, this has not been an easy journey, but one I’ve felt compelled to make. That said it has been I have a lightness in my heart that it wonderful to feel. The family is well. We’ve had some excellent discussions recently on a wide range of moral and spiritual issues as you might imagine. Keep in touch and take care.

    Rich

  4. Anonymous on November 27th, 2007 2:08 am

    Well I’m a little dissapointed. I was hoping there would be something new rather than all the old reasons people decide to quit. So are you one of those people who are quitting and moving on with there life or oare you one of those people who feel like it is their duty take as many with them as possible?

  5. rmccue on November 27th, 2007 9:28 am

    The criticisms may be old, but for me they are deal breakers. Don’t get me wrong, the LDS church does many wonderful things, but discrimination against gays and women (and formerly blacks) are big enough issues for me that I felt like I needed to let my family and friends know where I stand. From the feedback I’ve received it sounds like many of them are uncomfortable with the position of the church, but are reluctant to speak out because of a desire not to “rock the boat.” Now that I’ve let people know where I’m at, I’m going to turn my attention to enjoying life. Cheers!

  6. Anonymous on December 5th, 2007 1:05 am

    I don’t think you go far enough. Many of us are born gay as you say. God made us this way so you are right it can’t be a sin. Some of use are born pedophiles or what society calls pedophile. Historically women got married between thirteen and 15 often to men twice their age!. Were they considered pedophiles? or statuary rapists? No of course not. We are born that way and alway have been. Its just society and religion that gives these false rules. Its good that your overcoming them. YOu are right God would never give rules that would contradict how he made us. The sooner we understand we are born this way the sooner people can be relieved of the guilt they feel when they are told they are “sinning”. How many teens does the church make feel guilty cuz they are having sex? IT is totally natural. God made us with a sex drive!! He would never tell us to deny it. Even mormons think celibacy is a sin. you say you are uncomfortable with polygamy but I think thats just some of those churchy thoughts still in your head. It is too hard and unrealistic for a man or a woman to be with just one partner all the time. God didn’t make us that way. Why would he make us be attracted to others people and then tell us that we can only be with one person regardless of gender or age.
    Anyway you are obviously on the right track but you are still falling short by stopping at gays. God made us this way and he wouldn’t put arbitrary rules there to stop us from being in a loving relationship with anyone and certainly he wouldn’t make us feel guilty about it.

  7. Anonymous on December 5th, 2007 9:22 pm

    MCcue said”The teaching that one can know that the LDS church is Gods’ one true church by saying that it is true (the get a testimony by bearing it method).”

    I think the actual teaching of the church is to bear your testimony, in part; to strengthen it and strengthen other’s testimony. The main purpose is to witness of Jesus Christ. And the Holy ghost is to witness of the truth of that testimony. THe idea is that you have a testimony FIRST and NOT to say what others are saying or what you think should be said and then say it often enough that you believe it. That is not the process and you have been seriously led astray if that was your belief. In fact a few years ago the Church came out with a letter instructing parents to not help their children bare Testimonies from the pulpit and to only allow children who have a true desire to to do so and can do it of there own accord.
    Now I know you’ll be able to draw upon the last 150 years of Church history and find quote after quote of church leaders say “if you want to gain a testimony bear it.” Taken out of contest it sounds like brainwashing however it should be note that the advise is given to the searcher of spiritual knowledge. IT is also a leap of faith. The one seeking knowledge will study out the life of Jesus and may know everything Jesus did but that spiritual confirmation might not come until the Testimony is born and the Spirit witnesses that it is true. The advise is not given to just anyone. Individuals need to search and pray first before taking the step of vocally witnessing. BUt always it is with the understanding that the Holy Spirit will attend an honest testimony.
    I would also add that be continuously telling yourself anything it is possible to make yourself believe it. The church does not ask us to testify so that we are self deluded into believing but rather to testify so that the Holy Spirit will witness and confirm the Truth.

  8. rmccue on December 6th, 2007 11:12 am

    Thank-you for your thoughtful response. You mention that the advice to “gain a testimony through bearing it” is only useful advice for someone sincerely seeking spiritual knowledge. I disagree with that for the simple reason that a person should at the very least always be truthful to his or her self. That doesn’t mean that they can’t exercise faith and change their behaviour (living the gospel, reading scriptures, praying, etc) in order to try to find out if something is true. But to say that something is “true” without that personal knowledge is deceptive, and I feel helps perpetuate falsehoods… How do you know who truely believes and who is “faking it until they make it”?

    An example of this that most people have heard of is the story of the Emperors’s new Cloths. No one except the child had the courage to speak the truth… everyone was embarrassed that they could not see the invisible cloths, so they lied to each other so that they could fit in with the group.  After letting family and friends know that I am no longer a believer, I was surprised at the number of people in my ward who have privatly told me that they go to church for social and family reasons only, and have not believed the religous dogma for some time.

  9. sam on December 12th, 2007 10:10 am

    Hi
    Interesting read. My website is down right now. Be up again next week, so I left the address. LOL.
    I am a Christian. I dropped out of the church scene back in 1999, when I resigned my position as a pastor in a Vineyard church in Ontario, Canada.
    I became involved in the house church movement, and still am. I will never go back to man centred religion, which most of Evangelical and mainstream Christianity has become. A society focused on rules and duty, with little of no life, and no resemblance to the New Testament church you read about in the Book of Acts and the Epistles.
    No thanks. Church is people, people gathered in community around the person of Jesus and His Word. It is service to God and to others, in works of love and compassion, living out the Kingdom of God as a family. Church has NOTHING to do with buildlings, professional clergy, programs, my staring at the back of a person’s head, listening to sermons, and putting my two sheckels in the offering plate once a week! That is totally unscriptural. It took me until I was 40 to wake up. I was raised a minister/missionary’s son, and became an ordained minister myself. I finally broke the cycle of non-biblical dysfunctional, non-sensical, duty-bound, don’t question Christianity. What a relief!

  10. rmccue on December 12th, 2007 11:53 am

    Sam,

    Thank-you for your post. I love your thoughts on the “church” not being the buildings or formal organization. I think that having a community of some kind can be helpful for many people to grow and serve each other, but when the needs of the community (or organization) start to take presidence over the needs of the indivuduals, then everyone involved should take a hard look at what they are doing and why they are doing it.

    Good luck on your journey. I look forward to checking out your website when it is back up and running.

    Namaste

    Rich

  11. Don on December 12th, 2007 1:19 pm

    I too recently announced my reasons for leaving the Church and sent a link to my blog to a few close friends in the morg. You can read my reasons here :

    http://operation-oppressed.blogspot.com

    Welcome to “outer happiness” !

  12. bolok on December 13th, 2007 9:33 am

    It takes a lot to be so in the open as you are, Rich. My hats off to you.

    We are kindred spirits in our journey out of the Morg and into rational thinking. My deal breaker was that JS was marrying (spiritually of course) other men’s wives… If you believe that was okay then you have to accept that Gordon B could knock on your door and take your wife today.

    May your journey continue with a brightened path.

    -bolok

  13. Odell on December 14th, 2007 4:12 pm

    Rich:

    I enjoyed reading your blog. I too left the LDS Church not too long ago as a result of recognizing that all of my spiritual foundations were largely result of the imaginations of a man I wouldn’t trust my children to be with- even, Joseph Smith, Jr.

    As a youngster, I was taught to admire and emulate his life. I can hardly think that my parents and church leaders, had they known the real life and times of Joseph, would have ever encouraged me to be more like him.

    My best to you and yours on this journey through life.

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